An Ode to the What-Ifs in Life

by - Monday, February 10, 2020

"What if?" is a question that probably crosses our minds about one and a half billion times over the course of a year, and I admit, it happens to me to. What if I did this differently? What if I haven't done that thing? What if I didn't do this and did that instead?

What-ifs can be haunting as hell, wondering how your life would be if you did one thing instead of the other. This happens to me all the time. What if I didn't drop out of college and pursued my old major? What if I did better in high school and gotten into the state university? What i I started working at 16? What if I didn't start a blog? What if I started Youtube early? What if I-*gasp*-started blogging as a teen? (What a nightmare that would be. Can you imagine 15 or 16 year old Winnie blogging about how she hates school and her anime crushes? Omegalol)

These what-ifs often haunt me, try as I might not to let them, and to be fair, I indulge in them a little bit. If I had graduated college while pursuing that biotech degree in community college, I would have a job by now...but is it worth being miserable? If I had gotten a job in high school, I would probably have build up some semblance of a savings account...but is it worth completely flunking? (I( went to a charter school focused on STEM-science, technology, engineering, and math, it was definitely not the easiest thing in the universe). If I had held on to all those internet friendships, would they be real? Would I like them? (spoiler: most likely not, and I would probably resent them too).

The what-ifs of life are abundant, like that slight breeze every day that makes the trees ever so slightly sway. It's that feeling that weighs down the back of your mind, although you try hard not to pay attention to it. You're never going to get rid of the what-ifs, the possible paths of life you could have gone down. One decision could lead to an entirely new life from the one you are currently living.

However, it can be fun to see how your life would have turned out had you made different decisions in your life. It's fun to imagine how successful (not so fun for failure) you would have been had you started something a little earlier, a little later, or even took it in an entirely new direction. This isn't to say I'm not happy with the life I have-to be honest, it's decent, but (cue the horrific gasps) it could always be better, and it's fun to imagine how my life could be better with the positive what-ifs.

What-ifs are never going to go away, but it's no use dwelling on your past decisions as they already happened. You might regret them, but they will forever be a part of your journey. Here's to all the what-ifs you have ever encountered...all 404959690 of them.

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